Lost at Sea
by A Coeles
Summary: The Suite Life characters set themselves adrift and end up in a remote island near New Guinea! An alternative to the episode "lost at sea."
1. Chapter 1, lost at sea

Cody slowly brimmed consciousness without opening his eyes. He had just had the strangest dream. In it, he and Zack, Bailey, Woody, and London had somehow ended up in the middle of the ocean in a lifeboat. He remembered arguing in the dream, and a lot of bickering as well.

Something else nagged at the edge of his mind. Remembering the dream gave him a slightly sick feeling. But why?

Ah, that's right. Bailey had broken up with him in the dream. How unpleasant. At least it was just a dream, and he was safe and sound in his cabin, and still in a relationship. He sighed comfortably.

His eyes still closed, he turned in his bed. It was oddly grainy.

Somewhere near him, he heard the sound of waves crashing on the shore of a beach, and seagulls. A breeze ruffled his hair. Someone must have left the port hole window thingy open over the night. It was only slightly uncomfortably chilly.

"Woody, turn that noise off!" he said. Obviously, his roommate was still asleep. This was a terrible habit of his, recording peaceful sounds, like rainforest sounds (or the beach, as it was now) in a neverending loop and falling asleep before remembering to turn it off. He didn't understand why there was wind, as Woody seemingly harbored a strong dislike for fresh air or circulation in the bedroom, and always made sure the window was firmly shut before going to bed.

The sound of seashore continued.

"Woody, I said turn it off." Cody mumbled. He would have done it himself, but the radio was at the other end of the room, and besides, it wasn't his fault it was still on. Woody had to get up off his lazy ass and do it himself.

Cody sighed and gently drifted off into sleep again.

. . . .

_At first, it was a confused jumble of loud noise and objects. London, Bailey, Woody, and Zack were all crowded together and pushing up against each other and struggling. It was nighttime. Cody was in a rather uncomfortable position. He was bunched up against London's clothes. It was dark in the boat, and the only light came from a dim lantern on the bench nearest to him. Bailey was beside him. She accidentally elbowed him in the ribs, causing more pain. Everybody was talking, but nobody was being heard. It was pandemonium. _

_All of a sudden, Woody yelled as he was knocked into the side of the canvas covering the lifeboat. Then there was a blaring alarm sound. Woody immediately withdrew. Everybody stopped talking._

"_What was that?" Bailey said. Everybody listened. A steady chink-chink-chink noise was heard - very faint, but obvious. It sounded like a chain was moving._

"_Does anybody else feel like they're moving?" Woody said uneasily, huddling up on the bench._

_Cody laughed: "Woody, we're on a boat. We're always moving."_

_Bailey shook her head and said surely, "No, this is different." Everybody crammed to the side of the boat and peeked under the canvas. The steady chain sound stopped, and released them. Everyone screamed as the lights from the ship flashed past them. They were falling._

_It was a terrifying experience for the five of them, until -_

_SPLASH._

_The boat fell into the ocean. Everybody fell on top of each other. Once again, pandemonium ensued. Cody screaming in pain as Woody unbalanced and fell on him, crushing him against the bottom of the boat. London stopped panicking for a moment to poke a finger and laugh at him, but when a wave hit the boat and Woody rolled over her she immediately stopped and resorted her efforts to getting him off of her. It was very dark in the boat, as the canvas still covered it. The lamp was swinging around from the rocking of the boat, causing everybody's shadows to dance back and forth, only adding to the confusion. _

_. . . .  
_

_thirteen hours ago:_

It was a warm night on the S.S. Tipton, and Mr. Moseby was feeling rather peaceful. He was sitting on the skydeck on one of the beach chairs, his legs comfortably crossed. In his left hand was a rather large volum entitled: Hanky Panky: the history of the pocket square, volume 7, which he was reading with interest while drinking a coconut smoothie through a straw.

A brown-haired woman in a red sweater, black skirt, and high heels hurried up to him from behind.

"Mr. Moseby," she said anxiously.

"Ah, Ms. Tutweiller," Moseby replied blissfully, "I just can't put my finger on it, but the boat seems so peaceful and quiet tonight." he smiled dreamily and turned his eyes back on the book.

"Yeah, well, let me put your finger on it," Tutweiller said, ending with an unnatural laugh. Moseby looked up curiously as she continued: "Zack, Cody, London, Bailey, and Woody are nowhere to be found." she sat down on the beach chair next to him, her brows furrowed with concern.

"Oh, don't worry, they'll be back," Moseby said peacefully, "rather like an annoying toe fungus you can't get rid of."

Tutwieller frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but Moseby continued:

"You use the cream, still comes back. You get the shot, still comes back. Then you get an allergic reaction to the shot, and next thing you know you got a rash. Next thing-"

"Alright," Tutwieller interjected, "remind me never to get in the hot tub with you, kay?"

Moseby grinned and turned bright red with embarassment. He took another sip from his smoothie and turned back to his book.

Tutweiller was having none of it.

"Okay, let's just split up and see if we can find them." she said. Moseby sighed.

"Oh, Emma. You're overreacting! Everything will be fine."

"Marion," Tutweiller said, "the children are our responsibility. If anything bad happens to them, we'll be the ones held accountable!"

Moseby sighed.

"Oh, very well," he sighed, getting up and setting his book down on the chair, "we'll split up to go looking for them, then meet back up here on the skydeck in an hour."

Tutweiller nodded. The two turned around and went off in opposite directions.

. . . .

"_One, two, three!" Cody said. The five of them pushed the canvas off of the steel rack. It fell into the ocean with a splash. Cody saw the ship heading away, its lights growing dimmer and dimmer._

"_HELP! HELP!" Everybody cried. London burst into tears. Cody cupped his mouth and yelled at the top of his lungs, "PAN-PAN, PAN-PAN!"_

_Everyone stared at him._

"_Cody!" London said angrily, "this is no time to start cooking!"_

"_Uh - no." Cody said, "pan-pan is a french term used in place of mayday to indicate an urgent situation that poses no immediate danger to the vessel or anyone's life."_

"_Oh, your life is in danger all right." Zack said, grabbing Cody by the collar._

"_Hey!" Bailey said, rushing to the defense of her boyfriend. She whacked Zack's hand. "Let's NOT blame Cody. This is WOODY'S fault." she pointed an accusatory finger at Woody, "HE hit the button."_

_London nodded in agreement._

_Woody felt picked on._

"_London knocked me into it!" he said, pointing at London._

"_Well - that's because you all crowded into MY closet!" London said, indicating the clothes she had put on the rack._

"_It's NOT your closet!" Bailey said._

"_Right!" Woody concurred, "IT'S OUR FLOATING COFFIN!"_

"_Ooh-ooh!" London said, apparently getting a bright idea, "my daddy said that if I was ever lost, hug a tree!"_

_She paused, looked fervently back and forth, and freaked out._

"_THERE ARE NO TREES!" She screamed._

"_Okay, first things first." Cody said._

"_Plant a tree!" London demanded._

_Zack shook his head and said, "where? The only dirt for a hundred miles is in Woody's ear!"_

_Woody looked greatly offended. He clutched his right ear and gasped._

"_I meant everyone put on their life vests."_

_London picked hers up and stared at it._

"_I'd rather drown than wear this." she said firmly as everyone else put theirs on._

"_You know, when you go under, your mascara will smear." Bailey warned. London gasped fearfully and hurriedly tied the life vest around her._

"_Okay now," Cody said, his life vest on and standing on top of the seat, "I'm sure all of you recall from your student manual that each life boat is equipped with an X-13 emergency containing a generator to keep the lights going, survival equipment, and food."_

_Zack leaned forward and picked up the large and rather heavy red emergency kit box and set it on the seat. Everyone moved forward eagerly as Zack reached into it._

"_Oh yeah," he said enthusiastically, picking up a what looked like a white pistol._

_Woody looked terrified._

"_Look, man," he said, "I'm sure there's not a ton of food, but we can all share." he clung to Cody nervously, "it's all good, dog!"_

"_Relax, driftwood, it's a flare gun." He pointed it upward and said, "lock and load!"_

"_Uh," Cody said, reaching forward and taking it from Zack, "I think we should read the instructions first."_

"_Cody's right," Bailey said, taking it from Cody, "this is important, and we do NOT want to mess this up."_

_She was pointing it delicately in the air. London reached forward and yanked it from her hand._

"_HELLO! The ship's getting AWAY!" London said, moving forward._

_Everyone yelled in protest, and simultaneously reached forward, attempting to take it from her. London with a flare gun? NOT a good idea._

_Unfortunately, London unbalanced herself just as she was pulling the trigger. The flare briefly illuminated the air before dissipating into the water._

_There was a pause as everyone contemplated what had just happened._

"_You were supposed to fire it UP!" Cody said, visibly frustrated._

"_Well, how do you know?" Zack said mockingly, "you haven't read the instructions yet!"_

_London knew she had screwed up this time._

"_Maybe a submarine will see it!" London said, hoping they wouldn't stay mad at her._

"_Or a squid that's friends with the coast guard!" Bailey said with mock happiness._

"_See?" London said excitedly, unaware of her sarcasm._

"_I'm sure they've realized we're missing and the ship's coming for us." Cody said reassuringly, "you know, we can rely on Moseby."_

"_Well, I really hope they do something about it, and fast.." Woody said, "or else we'll be stuck out here forever!"_

_. . . ._

_Several hours later, Zack, Woody, and London were sorting through London's clothes, while Cody and Bailey were sitting a few feet away._

"_Cody," Bailey said dreamily, "if I have to be cast adrift, I'm so glad it's with you."_

"_I feel the same way, Bailey. We may be lost at sea, but we're safe in each other's arms."_

_After some effort (they were still in life vests) they managed to huge each other._

_Zack, London, and Woody pretended to throw up._

"_That's it," Zack said, tossing London's clothes on her lap and getting up, "I'm gonna swim for it. How deep do you think it is?"_

"_Considering we're over the Marianas trench, approximately 35, 798 feet." Cody replied._

_Zack clung to the cold metal rack._

"_So you're saying even if I'm standing on my tippy-toes, my hair will get wet?"_

"_I'm starving!" Woody whined, "I have to eat something. Anything!"_

_Zack and Cody bustled forward, but their attempts to stop Woody from reaching the emergency kit were futile. Bailey and London pitched in to help, but to no avail. Woody reached into the box and extracted several bags._

"_Beef jerky," he said, "turkey jerky..." (he gasped) "German chocolate cake jerky!" He was so desperate to open the package he used his teeth to try to rip it open._

_Bailey wrinkled her nose and said, "that can't be good."_

"_Don't care!" Woody told her. London ripped it from him before he could get it opened. A brief struggle ensued as London attempted to stuff it back into the box, and Woody tried taking it from her._

"_Hey hey hey hey! We need order!" Cody said sensibly._

"_I'll have a chataux briand with pom fritz?" London said, smiling toothily._

"_No, I mean we need to ration our food."_

"_And who decides that?" London asked._

"_We need a leader," Cody replied, "A captain."_

_Bailey said immediately, "I nominate Cody! He knows all about oceans, and wind currents - plus, the man can wear a cap."_

_Cody swished his hair casually against the sea breeze and said coolly, "thank you Bailey."_

_She winked at him._

"_Now the first thing we need to do is figure out the wind direction." Cody said, "winds are caused by a balance of buoyancy force and pressure gradient force. So, according to Boyle's law, the boat is heading this way, so the wind must be going-"_

_Zack spit into the air, interrupting Cody. The spitball was carried by the wind all the way to Cody's left eye._

_SPLAT._

_Woody and London burst into laughter, but Bailey remained stoic._

"_It's going towards your face!" Zack said. London and Woody laughed even harder._

"_Okay, good!" Bailey said, "we have a captain, we know what direction we're going in, and-"_

"_Oooh!" London said, "and we have cuddly dolphins to keep us company!"_

_It was rather dark, and the only light came from the moon near the horizon. They saw the outline of several dorsal fins going back and forth in the water. London waved cheerfully, and Zack and Woody leaned over the side of the boat to try to pet them. Cody and Bailey, however, immediately recognized their true identity._

"_Those are SHARKS!" Cody yelled. Everyone screamed and tumbled backward, causing the boat to rock violently. It took several minutes of kicking and screaming until the boat was quite stable again._

"_I hope they're man eating sharks!" London said as everyone stood up, "then they'll leave ME alone!"_

"_Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice try!" Cody said, panic etched in every syllable, "okay, when attacked by a shark, you're supposed to hit 'em on the nose!"_

"_Okay!" Zack said, grabbing an oar. He leaned over the water and attempted to whack the sharks' heads with it. Everyone cheered him on. That is, until there was a loud CRUNCH._

_Zack sadly took the oar out of the water._

"_One teeny problem." he said, "the NOSE is right above the TEETH!"_

_London screamed._

"_Here sharky sharky sharky!" London said, reaching into the emergency kit and taking out the jerky packages, "Don't eat us, eat these instead!"_

_She thrust them with all her strength into the water. Cody was shocked. Zack was astounded. Bailey was incredulous. Woody was absolutely horrified._

"_WHAT are you DOING?" Bailey demanded._

"_Hey, it's working!" Zack said, "they're going the other way!"_

"_See?" London said in a peppy way._

_Woody was close to tears: "Yeah, with OUR jerky in their stomachs! COME ON GIMME..!"_

"_Okay okay okay," Cody said reassuringly, "humans can survive up to a week without food. What's most important is water, and we have a big bottle of it."_

_The most important thing to do in these survival situations was to stay calm. However, Cody was not so reassured himself._

"_Actually," London said delicately, sitting herself down on the bench, "I used that bottle to send a note."_

"_You drank all that water yourself?" Bailey said angrily._

_London laughed._

"_Of course not!" she said, as if to restore confidence, "I dumped it out so I could use the bottle!"_

"_And what exactly did this note SAY?" Cody said, furious._

"_it said: 'HELP! WE'RE LOST. AND OUT OF WATER'!"_

_The four of them began to inch slowly towards London. Cody's eye twitched menacingly as they advanced upon her. London shrunk lower and lower down into the boat fearfully._


	2. Chapter 2, the search continues

Ms. Tutweiller and Mr. Moseby met on the skydeck.

"No sign of Cody or Bailey,." Emma said, "and I checked the math lab, the biology lab, AND the chemistry lab."

"No sign of Zack or Woody either. I checked the pizza parlor, the ice cream parlor, and the donut parlor." He paused and said, "you know, I think we overuse the word 'parlor'."

"Nevermind that!" Miss Tutweiller said in a stay-focused-mr.-Moseby sort of voice, "what about London?"

"Well, she wasn't in the beauty parlor - Aha! See what I mean?"

he walked past Emma and strode anxiously around.

"Oh, I hope they're okay." Tutweiller said apprehensively. At that moment, Moseby's phone began to ring.

he waved his hands confidently.

"I'm sure they're fine," he said, "I mean, it's not like they just could have gotten off the boat, mmm?"

He took out his phone and answered it:

"Hello? uh-ha? uh-huh? Yes. Yes. Okay."

Tutweiller fiddled with her hands anxiously as Moseby hung up.

"THEY GOT OFF THE BOAT!" he yelled. Several people sitting nearby jumped.

"What?" Emma said as Moseby began to pace, "But HOW?"

"That was Kirby!" he said, "he said one of the life boats is missing. They must have set themselves adrift!"

"This is awful!" Emma said, "I've lost my two best students and my three worst students! Do you know what this is gonna do to my grading curve? PLFFF! Flat line!" she put her hands on her hips agitatedly.

"All the times I said I wanted them to disappear I really didn't mean it!" Moseby said sorrowfully, looking up at the sky, "and by the way, if you grant wishes, why couldn't you help a brother out with the height issue?"

Tutweiller raised her eyebrows and concurred, muttering "that's a good one." She became silent when Moseby turned around. He frowned, then turned away.

"What are we going to do?" Tutweiller said impatiently.

"We'll have to alert Mr. Tipton first, of course." Moseby declared, "as soon as he finds out, he'll doubtless send a rescue team by helicopter."

"It's been an hour!" Tutweiller said, "and the wind's picking up! They could be anywhere by now."

"We'll have to tell Mr. Tipton before we dock in Indonesia." Moseby stated, "I'm not looking forward to making the call, though. I have a feeling he won't be too happy about me losing his daughter on the start of the school year!"

"Well, you're wasting time!" Tutweiller said, "Marion, we better send a rescue team out there before the wind picks up!"

"Emma, we've got to think this through, I mean - the captain said in a few hours the storm will start. If we send helicopters out there, they'll surely be Pummeled and Puffered by those Precarious Perflations!"

Tutweiller delicately wiped the piece of spittle out of her eye.

_Fifteen hours later:_

Cody woke up when a blast of cold water washed over him. Coughing, he rubbed his eyes and turned over as another blast of water rushed over him. He sat up to get away from the waves.

Waves...?

It took a while for Cody to realize where he was. He swore and jumped up, his feet sending sand flying in all directions. He stumbled backwards, tripped, and fell back onto the beach. His legs were weak, and his entire body was shaking. His fingers felt soft and wrinkly, and his stomach felt bloated, as if he had swallowed too much water. He leaned over and threw up in the sand.

He finished, and, clutching his stomach, crawled to the edge of the water and washed his mouth. He doused water over his face to rid it of sand. He then got up and tried to get an idea as to where he was.

He was on a sandy beach surrounded by warm tropical waters. A gentle breeze ruffled his hair as the waves crashed back and forth on the shoreline. His eyes scanned the distance. He could see no land masses anywhere on the horizon. Not even the smallest rock outcropping. It was all ocean from here on. Of course it was slightly difficult to see with his blurry vision. He turned his head the other way and examined the greenery behind him. It was mostly made up of palms and other tropical plants. He couldn't see very far, but far away, what looked like a dormant volcano peeked above the treeline.

What was this place?

He then remembered how weak he was. He fell on his butt on the sand. Even though he was no longer nautious, he still felt waterlogged.

He whipped around. He thought he heard someone's voice. Seeing no one, he assumed it was just his imagination.

But where was everybody?

"Hey!" said that feeble, far-off voice again.

Cody whipped around and saw a body lying on the seashore about twenty yards away. Cody slowly got up, stabling his wobbly knees, and made his way towards the person as quickly as he could.


End file.
